Burial of a Child

SourceEOW 2 p. 131

Burial of a Child

Concerning the Service

The death of a member of the Church should be reported as soon as possible to, and arrangements for the funeral should be made in consultation with, the Minister of the Congregation.

Baptized Christians are properly buried from the church. The service should be held at a time when the congregation has opportunity to be present.

The coffin is to be closed before the service, and it remains closed thereafter. It is appropriate that it be covered with a pall or other suitable covering. If necessary, or if desired, all or part of the service of Committal may be said in the church. If preferred, the Committal service may take place before the service in the church. It may also be used prior to cremation.

A priest normally presides at the service. It is appropriate that the bishop, when present, preside at the Eucharist and pronounce the Commendation.

It is desirable that the Lesson from the Old Testament, and the Epistle, be read by lay persons.

When the services of a priest cannot be obtained, a deacon or lay reader may preside at the service.

It is customary that the celebrant meet the body and go before it into the church or towards the grave.

The anthems at the beginning of the service are sung or said as the body is borne into the church, or during the entrance of the ministers, or by the celebrant standing in the accustomed place.

When children die, it is usually long before their expected span of life. Often they die very suddenly and sometimes violently, whether as victims of abuse, gunfire, or drunken drivers, adding to the trauma of their survivors. The surprise and horror at the death of a child call for a liturgical framework that addresses these different expectations and circumstances.

Gather in the Name of God

All stand while one or more of the following is said or sung

He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms, and carry them in his bosom.Isaiah 40:11

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.Deuteronomy 33:27

As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.Isaiah 66:13a

When Israel was a child, I loved him.... it was I who taught Ephraim to walk, I took them up in my arms.... I led them with...bands of love. I was to them like those who lift infants to their cheeks. I bent down to them and fed them.Hosea 11:1a, 3, 4

For these things I weep; my eyes flow with tears.... But you, O Lord, reign for ever; your throne endures to all generations.Lamentations 1: 16a; 5:19

Jesus said, Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.Matthew 19:14

For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of the water of life, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.Revelation 7:17

When all are in place, the Minister may address the congregation, acknowledging briefly the purpose of their gathering, and bidding their prayers for the deceased and the bereaved.

The Minister says one of the following Collects, first saying

The Lord be with you.

PeopleAnd also with you.

MinisterLet us pray.

Silence

Holy God, your beloved Son took children into his arms and blessed them. Help us to entrust N. to your never failing loving- kindness. Comfort us as we bear the pain of her/his death, and reunite us in your good time in your Paradise; through Jesus Christ our Savior who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

Gracious God, we come before you this day in pain and sorrow. We grieve the loss of N., a precious human life. Give your grace to those who grieve [especially N.], that they may find comfort in your presence and be strengthened by your Spirit. Be with this your family as they mourn, and draw them together in your healing love; in the name of the one who suffered, died, and rose for us, Jesus our Savior. Amen.

The Lessons

One or more of the following passages from Holy Scripture is read. If the Eucharist is celebrated, a passage from the Gospel always concludes the Readings

From the Old Testament

2 Samuel 12:16-23

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From the Old Testament

Isaiah 65:17-20, 23-25

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From the Old Testament

Isaiah 66:7-14

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From the Old Testament

Jeremiah 31:15-17

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Dominus regit meBCP p. 612

1The Lord is my shepherd; *I shall not be in want.

2He makes me lie down in green pastures *and leads me beside still waters.

3He revives my soul *and guides me along right pathways for his Name’s sake.

4Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil; *for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5You spread a table before me in the presence of those who trouble me; *you have anointed my head with oil, and my cup is running over.

6Surely your goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, *and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

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QuemadmodumBCP p. 643

1As the deer longs for the water-brooks, *so longs my soul for you, O God.

2My soul is athirst for God, athirst for the living God; *when shall I come to appear before the presence of God?

3My tears have been my food day and night, *while all day long they say to me, “Where now is your God?”

4I pour out my soul when I think on these things; *how I went with the multitude and led them into the house of God,

5With the voice of praise and thanksgiving, *among those who keep holy-day.

6Why are you so full of heaviness, O my soul? *and why are you so disquieted within me?

7Put your trust in God; *for I will yet give thanks to him, who is the help of my countenance, and my God.

From the New Testament

Romans 8:31-39

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From the New Testament

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14,18

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From the New Testament

1 John 3:1-2

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Levavi oculumBCP p. 779

1I lift up my eyes to the hills; *from where is my help to come?

2My help comes from the Lord, *the maker of heaven and earth.

3He will not let your foot be moved *and he who watches over you will not fall asleep.

4Behold, he who keeps watch over Israel *shall neither slumber nor sleep;

5The Lord himself watches over you; *the Lord is your shade at your right hand,

6So that the sun shall not strike you by day, *nor the moon by night.

7The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; *it is he who shall keep you safe.

8The Lord shall watch over your going out and your coming in, *from this time forth for evermore.

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Domine, probastiBCP p. 794

7If I climb up to heaven, you are there; *if I make the grave my bed, you are there also.

8If I take the wings of the morning *and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

9Even there your hand will lead me *and your right hand hold me fast.

10If I say, “Surely the darkness will cover me, *and the light around me turn to night,”

11Darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day; *darkness and light to you are both alike.

12For you yourself created my inmost parts; *you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

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Voce mea ad DominusBCP p. 798

1I cry to the Lord with my voice; *to the Lord I make loud supplication.

2I pour out my complaint before him *and tell him all my trouble.

3When my spirit languishes within me, you know my path; *in the way wherein I walk they have hidden a trap for me.

4I look to my right hand and find no one who knows me; *I have no place to flee to, and no one cares for me.

5I cry out to you, O Lord; *I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.”

6Listen to my cry for help, for I have been brought very low; *save me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me.

The Gospel

Matthew 5:1-10

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The Gospel

Matthew 18:1-5, 10-14

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The Gospel

Mark 10:13-16

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The Gospel

Matthew 19:13-15

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The Gospel

Luke 18:15-17

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The Gospel

John 10:11-16

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The Sermon

The Apostles’ Creed may then be said, all standing. The Celebrant may introduce the Creed with these or similar words

In the assurance of eternal life given at Baptism, let us proclaim our faith and say,

Celebrant and People

I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended to the dead. On the third day he rose again. He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.

The service continues with the Prayers. If the Eucharist is not celebrated, the Lord’s Prayer concludes the intercessions.

The Prayers of the People

The Deacon or other person appointed says

In the peace of God, let us pray, responding “O God, have mercy.” In the assurance of your mercy, in thanksgiving for the life of your child N., and in confident expectation of the resurrection to eternal life, we pray
O God, have mercy

Remember N.’s parents, N. N. Help them to hold each other in their hearts, that this sorrow may draw them together and not tear them apart, we pray
O God, have mercy

Remember N.’s brother(s) N., N. and sister(s) N., N., that they/he/she may be enfolded in love, comforted in fear, honored in their/his/her grief, and kept safe, we pray
O God, have mercy

Remember all the family and friends of N., that they may know the consolation of your love, and may hold N. in their love all the days of their lives, we pray
O God, have mercy

Support them in their grief, and be present to all who mourn, we pray
O God, have mercy

Teach us to be patient and gentle with ourselves and each other as we grieve, we pray
O God, have mercy

Help us to know and accept that we will be reunited at your heavenly banquet, we pray
O God, have mercy

Finally, our God, help us become co-creators of a world in which children are happy, healthy, loved and do not know want or hunger, we pray
O God, have mercy

The Minister concludes the prayers with this Collect

Compassionate God, your ways are beyond our understanding, and your love for those whom you create is greater by far than ours; comfort all who grieve for this child N. Give them the faith to endure the wilderness of bereavement and bring them in the fullness of time to share with N. the light and joy of your eternal presence; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

When the Eucharist is not to be celebrated, the service continues with the Commendation or with the Committal.

At the Eucharist

In place of the usual postcommunion prayer, the following is said

Almighty God, we thank you that in your great love you have fed us with the spiritual food and drink of the Body and Blood of your Son Jesus Christ, and have given us a foretaste of your heavenly banquet. Grant that this Sacrament may be to us a comfort in affliction, and a pledge of our inheritance in that kingdom where there is no death, neither sorrow nor crying, but the fullness of joy with all your saints; through Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.

The Commendation

The Celebrant and other ministers take their places at the body.

This anthem, or some other suitable anthem, or a hymn, may be sung or said.

Give rest, O Christ, to your servant(s) with your saints,
where sorrow and pain are no more,
neither sighing, but life everlasting.

You only are immortal, the creator and maker of mankind; and we are mortal, formed of the earth, and to earth shall we return. For so did you ordain when you created me, saying, “You are dust, and to dust you shall return.” All of us go down to the dust, yet even at the grave we make our song: Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

Give rest, O Christ, to your servant(s) with your saints,
where sorrow and pain are no more,
neither sighing, but life everlasting.

The minister, facing the body, says

We commend N. to the mercy of God, our maker, redeemer, and comforter.

N., our companion in faith and fellow child of Christ, we entrust you to God. Go forth from this world in the love of God who created you, in the mercy of Jesus who died for you, in the power of the Holy Spirit who receives and protects you. May you rest in peace and rise in glory, where pain and grief are banished, and life and joy are yours for ever. Amen.

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your servant N. Acknowledge, we humbly beseech you, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming. Receive him into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light. Amen.

The Blessing and Dismissal follow.

The Committal

One or more of the following anthems is sung or said

They are before the throne of God, and worship him day and night within his temple, and the one who is seated on his throne will shelter them. They will hunger no more and thirst no more; the sun will not strike them, nor any scorching heat; for the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of the water of life, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.Revelation 7:15-17

See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away. Those who conquer will inherit these things, and I will be their God, and they will be my children.Revelation 21: 3b-4, 7

Before the following prayer, the coffin may be lowered into the grave.

Then, while earth is cast upon the coffin, the minister says these words

In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our brother N., and we commit his body to the ground;* earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless him and keep him, the Lord make his face to shine upon him and be gracious to him, the Lord lift up his countenance upon him and give him peace. Amen.

* Or the deep, or the elements, or its resting place.

Then shall be sung or said

Jesus said to his friends, “You have pain now; but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”John 16:22

Then the minister says

The Lord be with you.

PeopleAnd also with you.

MinisterLet us pray.

Loving God, we stand before you in pain and sadness. You gave the gift of new life, and now it has been taken from us. Hear the cry of our hearts for the pain of our loss. Be with us as we struggle to understand the mystery of life and death. Receive N. in the arms of your mercy, to live in your gracious and eternal love, and help us to commit ourselves to your tender care. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

God, you have loved us into being. Hear our cries at our loss of N. Move us from the shadow of death into the light of your love and peace in the name of Mary’s child, Jesus the risen one. Amen.

Here one or more of the additional prayers may be said. Then the Lord’s Prayer may be said.

As our Savior Christ has taught us, we now pray,

Officiant and People

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your Name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. Save us from the time of trial, and deliver us from evil. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and for ever. Amen.

And now, as our Savior Christ has taught us, we are bold to say,

Officiant and People

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

The Blessing follows.

The God of peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus Christ, the great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant: Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is well-pleasing in his sight; through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

The service concludes with this Dismissal

Since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, so will it be for those who have died: God will bring them to life with Jesus. Alleluia.

Go in peace in the name of Christ.

✕

The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to Luke.

PeopleGlory to you, Lord Christ.

15 People were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them; and when the disciples saw it, they sternly ordered them not to do it. 16 But Jesus called for them and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. 17 Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.”

A Reading from the First Letter of John.

1 See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are God’s children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is.

A Reading from the Book of Isaiah.

7 Before she was in labor she gave birth; before her pain came upon her she delivered a son. 8 Who has heard of such a thing? Who has seen such things? Shall a land be born in one day? Shall a nation be delivered in one moment? Yet as soon as Zion was in labor she delivered her children. 9 Shall I open the womb and not deliver? says the Lord; shall I, the one who delivers, shut the womb? says your God. 10 Rejoice with Jerusalem, and be glad for her, all you who love her; rejoice with her in joy, all you who mourn over her— 11 that you may nurse and be satisfied from her consoling breast; that you may drink deeply with delight from her glorious bosom. 12 For thus says the Lord: I will extend prosperity to her like a river, and the wealth of the nations like an overflowing stream; and you shall nurse and be carried on her arm, and dandled on her knees. 13 As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem. 14 You shall see, and your heart shall rejoice; your bodies shall flourish like the grass; and it shall be known that the hand of the Lord is with his servants, and his indignation is against his enemies.

A Reading from the Book of Isaiah.

17 For I am about to create new heavens and a new earth; the former things shall not be remembered or come to mind. 18 But be glad and rejoice forever in what I am creating; for I am about to create Jerusalem as a joy, and its people as a delight. 19 I will rejoice in Jerusalem, and delight in my people; no more shall the sound of weeping be heard in it, or the cry of distress. 20 No more shall there be in it an infant that lives but a few days, or an old person who does not live out a lifetime; for one who dies at a hundred years will be considered a youth, and one who falls short of a hundred will be considered accursed. 23 They shall not labor in vain, or bear children for calamity; for they shall be offspring blessed by the Lord— and their descendants as well. 24 Before they call I will answer, while they are yet speaking I will hear. 25 The wolf and the lamb shall feed together, the lion shall eat straw like the ox; but the serpent—its food shall be dust! They shall not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain, says the Lord.

A Reading from the Second Book of Samuel.

16 David therefore pleaded with God for the child; David fasted, and went in and lay all night on the ground. 17 The elders of his house stood beside him, urging him to rise from the ground; but he would not, nor did he eat food with them. 18 On the seventh day the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead; for they said, “While the child was still alive, we spoke to him, and he did not listen to us; how then can we tell him the child is dead? He may do himself some harm.” 19 But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, he perceived that the child was dead; and David said to his servants, “Is the child dead?” They said, “He is dead.” 20 Then David rose from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed his clothes. He went into the house of the Lord, and worshiped; he then went to his own house; and when he asked, they set food before him and he ate. 21 Then his servants said to him, “What is this thing that you have done? You fasted and wept for the child while it was alive; but when the child died, you rose and ate food.” 22 He said, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me, and the child may live.’ 23 But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”

A Reading from the Book of Jeremiah.

15 Thus says the Lord: A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation and bitter weeping. Rachel is weeping for her children; she refuses to be comforted for her children, because they are no more. 16 Thus says the Lord: Keep your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears; for there is a reward for your work, says the Lord: they shall come back from the land of the enemy; 17 there is hope for your future, says the Lord: your children shall come back to their own country.

The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to John.

PeopleGlory to you, Lord Christ.

11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 The hired hand, who is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away—and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13 The hired hand runs away because a hired hand does not care for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd.

The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to Mark.

PeopleGlory to you, Lord Christ.

13 People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. 14 But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. 15 Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.

The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to Matthew.

PeopleGlory to you, Lord Christ.

13 Then little children were being brought to him in order that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples spoke sternly to those who brought them; 14 but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.” 15 And he laid his hands on them and went on his way.

A Reading from the First Letter to the Thessalonians.

13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to Matthew.

PeopleGlory to you, Lord Christ.

1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2 He called a child, whom he put among them, 3 and said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. 10 “Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones; for, I tell you, in heaven their angels continually see the face of my Father in heaven. 12 What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. 14 So it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.

The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to Matthew.

PeopleGlory to you, Lord Christ.

1 When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. 2 Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying: 3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5 “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy. 8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

A Reading from the Letter to the Romans.

31 What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? 32 He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else? 33 Who will bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. 35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.